Having a random hookup so left but love u
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
