Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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