I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize