You work out of a Hotel?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
