i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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