and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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