True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
