my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
