DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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