Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
