Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They have beer where we have blood.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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