...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
