My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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