So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
