She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
