i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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