Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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