Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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