is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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