you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
