im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
