Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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