I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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