so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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