Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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