You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
