so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
