I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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