The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize