went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
