I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
