you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
