i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
