I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
