i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
