I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
