Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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