Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
