i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
