i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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