While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
