i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The power of my boobs compel you
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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