It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
