My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
