every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
