I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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