Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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