The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Even my vagina gasped.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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