I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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