i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
