Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
