Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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