I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
