Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
