I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
