I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
this hospital has no fireball
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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