my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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