I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
