Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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