This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
