Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
