i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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