Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
