Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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