Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
