Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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