Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
