oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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