I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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