I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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