I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
