the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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