Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
