Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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