dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
