i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
