OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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