i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
