I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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