I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
